real space.

When I first became a Christian, I had this fantasy idea that all would be right in my world from then on. Life would miraculously get really good, not that my life was ever really bad, but I thought becoming a Christian really sealed the deal. Nothing bad will happen to me now because God loves me and I love Him.

I was so wrong.

I was so naïve.

Life doesn’t work that way.

Life is really hard.

Sometimes being a Christian is so painful. There can be so much hurt and sorrow in obeying Christ that many days you wonder if it is all worth it. We must deny ourselves and take up the cross, Apostle Luke says, but did we all really believe that? Did we all really understand what Luke was trying to tell us?

In other words, everyday when we follow Christ, we have to die a little… and daily lift up our cross – our thorn in our side – and give our life to Him. My goodness, though, this is hard. I’m tired and worn. Why does life have to be so difficult sometimes? Why are the answers so unclear sometimes? Why can’t we just know things sometimes?

I think that’s my most repeated “prayer” to God… God, I just don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know.

We all want to believe that everything happens for a reason, and I do believe this. This doesn’t mean it’ll take away the pain you may be in, though, or the loss you may have just endured, or the relationship you may have just lost.

Reasoning doesn’t replace grief.

Perhaps that’s why God doesn’t reveal all the answers to us when we want them. Maybe our Father is simply saying, Daughter, right now, answers or not, it’s still going to hurt.

Reason comes later. There is that hope. But our first step is trust. Can we trust the One who created us? Can we give it all to God and say, Okay, God, here is all I have. My mess is yours now. What are you going to do with it?

I want those kind of guts. That’s my prayer everyday. To trust in the One who gave me this life and to do what’s best with it too…

Is it easier said than done? Yes. Are there so many painful things we will never understand on this side of heaven? Yes. Is life hard? Yes.

I’m speechless sometimes at the sight of how broken our world is, how much pain I see loved ones in, how much loss I see people endure. How much hurt has been in my heart at times. With or without God, life is brutal. That’s a fact. I didn’t become a Christian because I thought my life would get better, after all.

I became a Christian because I didn’t want this to be the only life I had.

Because this life isn’t perfect.

But the next one is.

Tell me, can you trust in Him to get you there?